Blues Notes

Being Honest With Myself

What is your purpose?  What is it that you want out of life?  What brings you joy?  Do you know who you are?  Are you tired of walking aimlessly through life working to make ends meet only to go to bed at the end of the day unhappy?  Do you feel like a failure?  Like you give up too easily?  Why aren’t you generating your income from something that you enjoy doing?
Here’s another quote from a woman I value very greatly that got me to thinking…..
When you have decided on a direction to take—however you may have come upon that decision—and things just don’t turn out to your satisfaction, take a moment and ponder things over. You might just need to regroup. I like what Oprah Winfrey says, “Failure is God’s way of saying, excuse me! You’re moving in the wrong direction.” Something has to happen to get our attention. What’s happening in your life to get your attention that you may be going the wrong way? And who’s to know that better than you?—–Barbara Williams 
Anywho, there have been times in my life where I’ve felt like a failure.  Most recent:  Not passing the Georgia Real Estate Exam on my second attempt.  Was that God’s way of telling me, “This path was not designed for you.”  Makes me wonder.  For some reason I’m going to agree on that quote from Oprah above.  Simply because, I don’t have the passion for real estate like I did when I first began the journey to getting my license.  Selling homes is no longer something that I desire to do.  
Wow!  This is the first time that I’ve admitted this fact.  Like the say…admission/acceptance  is the first step.  If I’m going to continue to step forward, I must be honest with myself.  Lying to self is more harmful than lying to others.  And you have to keep telling yourself more lies until you don’t know the truth any more.  
Another thing I had to be honest about is that the internet is a distraction for me right now.  I’m neglecting the things that I enjoy doing in life because I’m to busy seeing what’s going on in everybody else’s.  Hearing/Reading about how others have made it when I’m still trying to make it my damnself.  I need to focus on Julia.  So this will be my last month online for a while.
 
I came to the conclusion to disconnect my ISP a few days ago.  Well actually today.  Been contemplating it for a few days.  I looked at my monthly spending to see what I could eliminate in order to have more money for other things.  $61.16 is a lot of money just to surf the internet.  I negotiated with myself and said, “I could use that money to pay off my Best Buy card in four months if I combine that with what I already pay.”  That’s when I decided the best thing for me to do was sacrifice idle surfing until I accomplished a few goals.  No more internet or t.v. for a few months while I pay off bills and focus on me.  At least I’ll be able to increase my DVD collection. 
It’s all about Julia for the time being.  I’ve sacrificed for so long that I don’t even realize what I want anymore.  Well it’s time for me to find out.  And hopefully when I come back I will have a complete manuscript.  Yeah, now that’s more like it.  This is going to be interesting.
For those of you who have my number, use it.  Those that don’t, ask and I shall provide.  I’m gonna miss y’all.  However, it’ll feel great to come back and not feel like a failure anymore.    
Be easy everybody!  Blessings & Prosperity.
Love,  
Julia aka Jewells

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