Blues Notes

Online Dating


It’s been said that only crazy people put personal ads online. Or different-looking (my dad said you should never call people ugly) people. Or those who have something to hide.

Neither of the above applies to me, yet I found myself dating online a few years ago.

I had not long separated from a five year relationship. After another year of still dealing with the person, I decided that it was beyond time to close that chapter of my life. I was in another place in my life. Continuing to still involve myself was out of the question. So I created a profile online via Yahoo! Personals.

Though I had used the personals to make friends when I first moved to Atlanta, this was different. I was using it for its intended purposes of finding a mate. I was nervous at first. Didn’t know what to expect. You hear all these crazy stories of stalkers, murderers, people claiming to be something that they are not. I had reservations, however, I put my info out there anyway. Within hours, I started getting IM’s from other profilers.

hey sexi

Ignore. Let’s spell sexy right, okay.

u got n e full body shots

Ignore. Can I get a hello first?

You wanna buy a house?

Ignore. I’m not on here looking for a realtor! Sheesh.

Slowly but surely, I was starting to come across these crazy folks that I had heard about. These guys were illiterate, had no respect for me let alone themselves, ignored my clearly marked preferences, wanted to meet after one 4-line conversation. I was beginning to lose hope. Then I took a chance and decided to meet this guy who I had talked to on the phone a couple of times after chatting online. We met up in a fairly populated area. All I know is that dude was about 50 pounds bigger than he was in his picture. And when he hugged me I swear I felt my ribs crack. We didn’t talk again after that day. There was no obvious attraction on my part, and he knew he wasn’t getting the panties so he moved on to the next candidate.

A few months later I met another guy. We met up at a bookstore. I had a friend of mine stalk the situation in case anything popped off. It was kind of funny watching her act like she was into the magazines. Anyway, this dude was talking real crazy. Talking about stars and ish, then he wanted to kiss me and was just moving waaaaay too fast. I thought my friend was about to run him over with her car. Over the phone, him and I had made an agreement that if there was no attraction that we would end it as soon as we saw each other. I had been trying to end it, but he wasn’t catching my drift. After I didn’t let him kiss me (who really makes out with strangers in the parking lot???), then he decided that “this isn’t going to work.” Fine with me buddy.

Then I meet another guy online. We pretty much stuck to IM’s until one day we decided to meet up for a movie. Other than him saying he’s really affectionate, I didn’t see any alarm signs. Even though I wasn’t much of an affectionate person at that time, I had no problem with him being affectionate. I had already ruled him out as someone datable anyway. He was strictly someone to just talk to in my book. We get in the theater and this fool wants to walk holding hands and sit with his head on my shoulder and intertwine his arm with mine. I had to push him off of me and tell him I’m not with all that hugging foolishness. ‘Specially since I barely know you.

It gets worse…

One night while chatting with this guy online, we had a little sex talk. Don’t know how it went there, but it did. Being in the black gay male mecca, I had to ask if he had had any same-sex relations. He said no. I was like cool. Then he said, “I’m curious though.” OKAY. I wanted to know exactly what piqued his curiosity. [Brace your eyes] He told me that he wanted to know what it felt like to have a d!(k in his mouth. I almost fell off the bed. He proceeds to tell me that he would want his woman to watch him do it. I seriously wanted to shut my laptop close and never hear from this dude again. I did hear from him again, but I didn’t look at him the same. It wasn’t necessarily a homosexual issue that bothered me. It was more so how he wanted to drag a woman into it.

I just about wanted to remove my ad and get a man a more natural way. Before I did though, I sent this guy an icebreaker. Him and I had exchanged icebreakers a few months back but it stopped there. Well, this time, I got an email back from him. I told him how we had shared icebreakers before but since neither of us were subscribed, it didn’t go any further. He shared that he wasn’t a subscriber this time either but that the message option was somehow available this time. We really got to know each other through daily emails. These weren’t just “hey, how are you?” emails. They were in depth and would keep you in front of the computer long enough to realize you hadn’t blinked in hours. We’d do this every day until he asked for my phone number three weeks later. Our friendship developed and eight months later, we were officially a couple.

Though we are no longer together, he helped me realize that there are some good apples in the bunch of rotten ones online. Would I do it again? No. Only because I feel like putting an ad out there means I am looking for someone. I’d rather do like the Word says and let him find me. I know that I am a “good thing” so when the time is right, our paths will cross. Until then, I am staying off the internet.

Blessings & Prosperity!

This is Jewells signing out…

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