Blues Notes

Past Emotions

I was going through my old blog from 2004 and ran across this one:

Happiness is lacking in my life and I’m not sure how to introduce it. Though I love rollercoasters, this emotional one that I’ve been riding, or shall I say riding me, has not been pleasant. The constant ups and downs. I feel like I’m going down the longest drop but I never made it to the top. So why am I falling?

God, I need you! My questions lack answers. My heart void of love. I have a bank account with no secure deposits. Constant withdrawals keeping my mind in the negative. Applications filled out on a daily but no phone calls. Where is my BREAKTHROUGH? What is my lesson? I’m crying out to you Lord. Do you hear me? Where are those open doors? I’m ready to give up, call it quits. My only hope lies in Your words. You said in Psalm 138:8 “The Lord will work out His plans for my life–for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don’t abandon me, for you made me.”

I’m trying so hard to keep the faith. You’ve sustained me by the temp assignments here and there and with the help of my parents. I do thank You for that Lord. But my help is about to run out. You know my battles, You’ve seen my pain, You’ve wiped away my tears. Please move some mountains. Provide me with a job that I will love and cherish until I am able to open my own business. I’m on my knees begging Lord. Amen.

It’s funny that God did answer my prayer and he is still answering it. He actually gave me the job that I enjoyed for the time being. That job also prepared me to be able to open my own business. It was because of that job that I was put into a position for an education to prepare me for a new field. So we do indeed get what we ask for.

I just wanted to post this because He amazes me and continues to do so. I didn’t know what business I wanted at the time. I just knew that I wanted to work for myself. It is becoming reality.

This is Jewells signing out…

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