I have been treading across some rough waves in my life here recently. Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually. Because of my situation, every little thing brings tears to my eyes. I can watch an episode of Flavor of Love and start crying. One might say I am experiencing depression. For the first time I might have to agree.
Compared to others, what I am growing through might seem minute. I, too, agree with that. But at this moment it feels like Mauna Loa is planted in front of me and the Pacific ocean is behind me. Both seem impossible to get across. Do I sink or do I call on God to move this mountain?
I’m tired of locking myself up in my room. Tired of laying on wet pillowcases at night. Tired of sleeping with a stopped up nose because of all the congestion and crying.
Should I ask God to take it all away? Or do I ask Him to:
“Calm the seas in my life
So on You I can keep my eyes
Don’t let the storms roar
But don’t stop the rain
So that I may grow…
Let it fall down on me Lord
If I go through it would help my faith increase
Let it fall on me Lord
If I go through it would help my faith increase”
As I listen to Calm da Seas by Dave Hollister, I think about how I often ask God to take away my strife, remove my trials and tribulations, to calm the seas in my life. But if He does that, it might prevent my growth. What if what I am going through is to make me stronger for future situations? What if my pain is to heal someone else? It’s so easy to think that all of this that I go through is all about me. So easy for me to get caught up in me. There is a bigger picture. There is a lesson. As much as it hurts and frustrates me, I have to go through in order to getthrough.
I can remember experiencing times like this a few years ago. My faith definitely increased with His help. It wasn’t because of anything I did. He did it all. Maybe this is His opportunity to open my eyes and keep me grounded. It was Him who allowed me to be able to go to school for free. According to Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” So, if He made it for me to obtain the licensure for my career field, I have to remain confident that He will see to it that I get a job in this field. Faith is believing in what I can’t see. Just like He opened a door for me years ago, He will do it today.
I do want my faith to increase. I am trusting You, Lord. I am leaving it up to You. After I have done all that I can do, I can rest assured that I have You.
Dave Hollister’s Witness Protection has been getting me through. There have been other CD’s to get me through other seasons. This one is definitely for this season. It’s all I’ve been listening to. If you don’t have it, pick it up today.
This is Jewells signing out…