My life has been on a non-ending rollercoaster ride for the past several years. Disappointment, frustration, depression, anger, happiness, unsettledness, lost, confused, unhappiness. You name it, I experienced it. There were days when I didn’t care if it was my last day. This past year was the worst. I wasn’t suicidal, but I just didn’t care. My faith was questionable. I prayed every day, I read the Word every day, I talked with God every day, yet I went to bed every night feeling empty. I arose every morning thinking that it would be the day my life changed only to see the day pass with no change. I didn’t blame God, I wasn’t mad at Him, I just didn’t understand.
How was it that I was doing everything right but my life felt like everything was going wrong?
I went to school every day with a smile on my face and walked to my car afterwards with tears in my eyes. No matter what happened the day before, I awoke every morning and showed up. I had to keep reminding myself of Romans 8:28 that I knew God would cause all things to work together for my good. That was all I had. I can’t say that I know when the change happened, but for the past few days I have felt that something inside of me has shifted.
My situation is still the same but I am not.
I am filled with joy. I am hopeful. My faith is restored. I am at peace. I feel different. I feel like I am living and not just existing. The mind is powerful, and it’s a matter of how you choose to look at things that will make the difference in how you see things. When we can shift our mindset in spite of, it is then that we will see our situation change because of. I am grateful for all of the broken pieces, for the struggles, for the not knowing. Those are the very things that have shown me just how great my God is and how much He loves me. So when you see my posts, know that I am not throwing shade at anyone; I am simply standing in my truth.
I am standing as the person I have become as a result of who He is.